Entering the decade of my 30’s

February 1st was my 30th birthday. I have officially entered my 30’s. I know many people weren’t ready for it, but I was.

I appreciated all that I have learned in my 20’s. From the crazy nights of clubbing and drinking during college to becoming more responsible and going to work (not hungover). I grew from the immature and strong headed girl into who I am today. Of course, I can still be strong headed, but I’ve learned to not fight everything that comes my way. I’ve learned to let things go and say “oh well”. I’ve let go of friends (or at least pseudo friends) to keeping a small, close set of friends. That’s not to say I don’t make new friends, I do. I just now know how to recognize who will be a good friend for me. It isn’t about the quantity, it’s the quality of our friendships that matter.

I moved countries in my twenties. I met my husband in my twenties. I learned I had PCOS in my twenties. I started fertility treatments in my twenties. My twenties were a time of learning a lot about myself. Finding what worked for me. Learning how to deal with my health. I began to love cooking, because it was a way to take care of myself and experiment at the same time. My twenties…

I experienced so much in my twenties, but I was ready to say good-bye when my 30th birthday was approaching. Now, that I am officially thirty I can say that I look forward to what my thirties will bring. I hope that my thirties will bring me a baby or two, but I have no control over that. Whatever comes I know I will be able to handle it. The good and bad is a part of life and I will remind myself to focus on the good days, more than the bad. The bad days are so strong that I need to remind myself about the good. Otherwise, that will become a sinkhole that I don’t want to have to fight out of. I have enough on my plate thank you very much.

I think I’ve grown a lot, but I know that there will be more to learn and experience. There is always something to do or that happens. I hope that whatever comes my way I handle it gracefully and am able to look back on it and learn from it. Of course, I know there will be plenty of wonderful moments and I will try to hold onto to those and let go of the bad ones.

So, I say “Hello 30. I’m Victoria. It’s wonderful to meet you. What do you have for me today?”

Fertility Drugs

I took the fertility drug, Sexovid, for 5 days. The good news was the side effects were very minimal. The bad news was they didn’t work. So the doctor immediately decided that I would have a hormone shot and return in 3 days for the second shot. Then 3 days after that I would have a check-up to see how my eggs were developing.

This was all fine with me. I was worried I was going to have to get shots everyday for 5 days. Luckily, it was only two shots! Of course, I used the word lucky a little too early.

The nurse calls me into the resting room to administer the hormone shot. She tells me I have the option of having the shot in my arm or butt. I choose my butt, because last time (to get my period) it wasn’t so bad. Oh how little I knew! It wasn’t so much the shot itself, but the following day. I had the shot on my left and I could not lay on my back, because the mattress was touching the injection site. It was difficult to put my pants on, because my pants would rub against my butt! Two days after I got the shot it was continuously sore. I had to take softer steps when I was walking around it was so sensitive.

I also noticed that there was a big reddish mark around the injection site. Well, no wonder it hurts! I told the nurse when I went to get my second shot of hormones. She asked to see the previous injection site and said “yes, it is kind of red. Just a moment.” She came back with a different shot full of, again, hormones, but I guess it was a different cocktail of drugs than the previous one. This time I asked for it in my arm. I’m hoping that I will be moving my arm more so it won’t hurt as much, so here’s to wishful thinking! Who knows, I was moving my arm around in circles like a crazy person at the train station on my way home. That may have helped to get the medicine to spread out and not coagulate in my arm. I will let you know later. I’m also going to do my arm exercises today, because I may not be able to use my left arm for a couple days. (T-T)

For now, the main side effects have been breast aches and twinges where my ovaries are. I don’t know about other women, but sometimes my armpit hurts too. Oh well, I’m just glad I don’t have migraines now. Wish me  luck that my next appointment shows results from these hormone shots!

Fertility Tests

I received my x-ray results at my next appointment which was the following day. I was told that my Fallopian tubes were clear which was the good news. The bad news was I have a Bicornate Uterus, or a heart-shaped uterus. Luckily, mine isn’t severe enough to require surgery. It’s a partial divide.

When I heard this I had no idea what this was. My doctor was telling me that it was a partial division which does increase the risk of a miscarriage and this was one reason for why I had a smaller than average uterus. He also explained that with this malformation it was harder for an egg to attach to the uterine lining to begin with since there was a lack of nutritional blood flow in a part of the wall.

To be honest, I was a little numb at the information. It didn’t really hit me until later when I did some more research on my own. I was surprised to see that there were so many different types of malformations of the uterus. In a way I was lucky, because some women have a uterus that is divided in two which would require surgery. Plus, my husband has some very energetic sperm and they are plentiful according to the doctor which will help us in this fight of nature.

The next step for me was to start hormone drugs again. After having a shot to get my period, of course. We want to start with a fresh lining, don’t we? Why yes, yes we do. Bring on the shots in the buttocks!

After that I had to wait till my period started then call to make an appointment for 5 days after my period started. This was the day I was prescribed a drug called Sexovid. Apparently,  it is similar to Clomid but with less side effects. I had terrible side effects, if you read my previous post called History you will remember. I will only mention the migraines, because that will forever been ingrained in my memory of Clomid. Clomid= migraines, for me anyway. My husband tried to comfort me by saying that from what he read “most women get used to the medication and the side effects lessen as you take them.” Thanks, but that’s really not comforting! In this situation offering to do things that I normally do would be the most comforting, because then I wouldn’t have to worry about doing them later or the next day. 🙂 Thanks Hubby!

So, next step Sexovid for 5 days and then return in a week.

Food Allergies

In August of 2015 I started experiencing abdominal pain. It started in my stomach then moved down to my intestines and then settled around my ovaries. It was a sharp pain that would shoot through my body if I moved even a bit. I had to walk slowly, because walking too quickly would jar my abdomen too much. I decided to see my OB-GYN, because the pain was settled around my lower abdomen.

I had an internal ultrasound which is basically a stick with a camera, let’s face the facts people. My doctor found a dark blob (that’s what it looked like to me) and said I either had blood or some other fluid built up in my abdominal cavity which was causing the pain. I had my blood drawn for a test and sent then home. The very next day, while I was fighting the pain and fatigue at work, I received a phone call.

“Go to the emergency room.” That was almost the first sentence out of my doctor’s mouth when I answered. My CRP, this is a way to measure the general inflammation in the body, was at around 8 or 9. This was unusually high, but the good news was I didn’t have a fever. I guess my body was pretty tough! Either way I was told to go to the emergency room, but first I had to pick up a referral…That’s right. I was given a referral to go to the Emergency room. I guess with a referral it’s a little cheaper. So, after waiting for my husband to get off work (because there was no way I was one, taking the train to the hospital or 2, going alone) we drove to the Red Cross in Nagoya.

After being there for at least one hour (with only 2 people ahead of us) I saw a doctor. I once again had my blood drawn for the second time in two days, by two medical professionals who were terrible at drawing blood! I had bruises on both arms for at least a month if not longer! Anyway, after a lot of ultrasounds, external and internal, I was prescribed two types of antibiotics. One was for pelvic inflammation and the other was a typical antibiotic. I was sent on my way after being told to return the next day and to come early since it gets busy pretty quickly.

So, I went back to the hospital at 9:30 and had to wait, again, for at least an hour if not more. I finally saw an OB/GYN who checked my abdomen and said “okay you aren’t getting worse which is good. You will need to return (AGAIN) in a week and have a blood test and ultrasound done”…great. So no answers as to what was happening to me other than it might be Pelvic Inflammatory Disease or a regular infection, of what we didn’t know. I took all of my meds as prescribed and I still was experiencing a lot of abdominal pain and fatigue. But, I waited for my appointment.

The day of my appointment I saw the same OB/GYN I saw at the ER and he checks with the ultrasound and looks at my blood test from that morning and says “you’re fine”….Remember I was still experiencing pain and fatigue. There was no way I was fine, so I told him that I was still experiencing pain in my abdomen and he tells me “Well, the tests say you are fine, so there is nothing more we can do for you.” Really?! That’s all you have to say! Nope, he had one last piece of advice “If you are still experiencing some pain then maybe you should go see a Gastroenterologist.” That’s it! No recommendation. No go to this floor to see so and so doctor. Just a “maybe you should. good-bye”. Great, you took my money and did nothing with it. I felt like crying, because no one was willing to help me when I was in such pain on a daily basis.

Luckily, my husband’s father runs a dental clinic and he can write referrals. Apparently, it doesn’t matter where the referral is from as long as it is from a licensed doctor/dentist/optometrist/etc. So, off I was to the same Nagoya Red Cross to get a Gastroenterologist to see me. Luckily, my mother-in-law came with me to make sure the doctor was a nice one and wouldn’t just brush me off. And thank goodness, I was shown to a very nice doctor who showed he was concerned for my well being! He asked many questions and then prescribed some medicine that he thought my help. Of course, I was ordered to have another blood test and then come back again.

I took the meds and went back for my next appointment without any change in how I felt. The doctor decided to have some tests done. I had a CT scan and a stomach camera test. The CT scan was no biggie. The stomach camera wasn’t the best. There are no pain meds and you are awake the whole time! The only thing they give you is this liquid to get ride of the foam in your stomach and then they spray your throat numb. (Once they spray your throat you won’t be able to swallow and you will start coughing, so spit out into a tissue.) The throat numbing spray works for about 10 minutes whereas the procedure takes about 30 minutes. So, I had to tell myself to breathe and relax during the whole experience and it helped a lot. Plus, I kept my eyes closed to help focus even further. The nurse or assistant that was rubbing my back helped me to feel like they were with me and that I wasn’t just some lab experiment. The down side was my throat was raw for a few days from the cable rubbing against my throat. Oh and I can’t forget the air they inserted into my stomach to see the lining. It was like my stomach was stretched to the max and sometimes I could feel the air bubble into my intestines. I knew I was going to “see” that again.  At the end I was briefly told that nothing to be alarmed of was found in my stomach. Well, that’s good news.

What about my CT scan you say? Well, at my next appointment I had my blood drawn and then saw my doctor. He told me that nothing showed up on the CT scan or stomach camera. So, first he asked how my symptoms were, they hadn’t changed. Then he decided maybe I should have a colonoscopy…oh dear. The earliest possible date was a month later, I jumped on that because I really was not looking forward to that. I mean considering how uncomfortable the stomach camera was can you imagine how awful a colonoscopy would be without being knocked out? Before I left that day my doctor ordered another blood test (yippee) for a simple allergen test. That day I went home with, again, no answers, two holes in my arms, a colonoscopy appointment and an appointment for the next week.

The next week, after another blood test, I saw my doctor and it turns out I showed signs of having an allergy to dairy, egg whites and shrimp. This meant no more milk, yogurt, cheese, cream, butter, omelettes, scrambled eggs, bread, waffles, cookies, cakes, shrimp flavored rice crackers, etc. What was I going to do?!

Luckily, I have the internet at my finger tips which allowed me to search for egg substitutes (hello Ener G Egg!) and other fabulous ways to make most of the foods I like. Also, because of PCOS I had altered my diet so I wasn’t eating butter, cream, store bought bread, etc. I learned to bake bread made with buckwheat flour and miso, or cooking with coconut oil or coconut flour. The bad news is I still can’t eat scrambled eggs, but I have found something that is close! Tofu scrambled “eggs” anybody? One of these days I will start posting these recipes. I do love to cook and my food allergies have just allowed me to be more creative. Did I mention no store bought chocolate? (yeah, they add powdered milk or lactose or processed sugar) I just make my own chocolate! Oh life, you taketh and you giveth.  Or maybe we just have to learn how to turn life into putty in our hands?

 

Hello PCOS

My name is Victoria. I was diagnosed with PCOS in February of 2015. For the past 10 months I have had some ups with lots of downs. I’ve struggled with weight gain, the loss of control over my own body, fatigue, learning what PCOS is and how it affects me, as well as so many other things. On top of that October was my one year anniversary of being married. It was not an easy year, what with taking fertility meds and then trying to figure out why I was having such intense abdominal pain (food allergies as it turns out).

I have completely overhauled my eating habits and the way I cook. It’s still a process that I work on on a daily basis. Exercise is another battle some days and some days it is a joy to feel the strength coming back to my muscles. I’ve fought with myself over how I look and feel. I’ve fought with my husband about how I need his support and how some things he says sound to me. It has not been easy, but I’m sure there are plenty of people out there that can say they’ve had it worse. So, today I count my blessings and start this blog. This isn’t a solution to everything, but I’m hoping to get in touch with others that are dealing with PCOS, who need a helping hand in navigating this sometimes crazy ride of fertility treatments. (By the way, I could use a hand too if anybody is offering)

I should mention that I live in Nagoya, Japan where health issues are not openly discussed. The way PCOS is dealt with is very different here than in the U.S. I often feel alone and at a loss. My doctor doesn’t offer recommendations that I find through my research on the great wide web for food or supplements. The only suggestion I got was to make sure to eat a variety of food for maximum nutrition. If there are others out there in Nagoya, in Japan, in any country who have been through what I have, or are beginning their journey or are at the same stage as I am, I hope we can make contact. I have found one friend who has dealt with most of this before me and she has been a great help with settling my fears before a medical procedure or just calming me down when I felt myself falling apart. It really does help to have someone to commiserate with.

With this blog I hope to chronicle my experience of PCOS (via exercise, eating habits, cooking, traveling for stress relief, etc.) as well as fertility treatments and hopefully find a support group (or start one myself) in Nagoya where we can meet face-to-face.

My name is Victoria. What’s yours?

P.S. This meme to me is more like a fertility drug humor.